Saturday, November 17, 2012

Doubt pe doubt, Parag doubt

How do you woo someone?
Offer them lift to office everyday?
That would be so unhealthy. Won't you rather instead walk with her to office everyday.
Do part of her office work for her?
And then cry about it all your life if you do end up with her!

So being "caring" doesn't cut it. Friends are caring, family is caring.
Caring is just a temporary band aid. A single instance of difficulty soothed by a superficial act.

Of course being funny helps. The girl finding you funny usually mean that you share some past intellectual interests. But soon you will run out of stories to tell her and she will get fucking bored of you. Unless, you have an endless supply of stories.

So what is this this business of "finding your soul mate"?
Must be something to do with completing each others sentences and deriving pleasure from doing the same things in similar ways - "Oh! once a month on a weekend we go on this log drive, bust into some elderly couple's home and suffocate them to death with a pillow and steal their dentures for our private collection. We have been married for 5 years now and tomorrow we are getting a new cupboard coz the old one has run out of space for our ever expanding collection!"

Wouldn't we all want to find our soul mates no matter what the cost?

So how do you find your soul mate?
This solution is probably impractical.
But one seemingly good way of finding your soul mate might just be "creating them".
It seems to me that there is a high probability of two people being soul mates if they grow up together. Of course it isn't a sure fire way, but being in the same physical space and environment (locality, school, college, first job) tends to nurture people similarly. Add to that a few crisis situation faced together (school project failing at the last moment, being on the college fest organizing committee, delivery deadlines at work) and the habits and thinking patterns grow even more alike. Of course you might hate to be with someone who has now grown up to think like you all the time and might feel suffocated. A few years of being away from each other and living out in the world might fix that - make you realize the need of a companion who understand and sees the world in the same way as you do.

As humans we try to take the least difficult way out.

But lets drift away from the topic now. How do you define difficult? What makes something difficult? And the why the fuck do we care?

What if I keep doing things out of my comfort zone all the time and become desensitized to what's difficult and what's not?
What if I start to wanting to be many things at once?
What if I want to be attached to someone and yet be completely alone at other times?
What if I start doubting my love for someone and yet be completely sure of what I feel at other times?
What if doubting my love leads me to doubting everything else?
What if I start doubting my doubts?
What if I doubting my doubts actually keeps me grounded in reality and fuels my thirst for knowledge and newer skills?
What if I discover my love for self, my own growth and improvement?
What if I start doing things for their own sake, striving for perfection while doing so?
What if I discover a source of unconditional love (of the nurturing type) within me?

But what if doubting my doubts is what actually makes me get up every morning and embrace the day with every fiber of my being? What if, ironically, that is what keeps from succumbing to existential crisis? What if I want to question the authority of the Creator from the Creator himself?

And what if I meet someone who wants to be many things at once, be attached to someone, be alone, doubts her love, doubts everything, doubts her doubts, grows, strives and learns to love unconditionally?

Would I recognize her as my soul mate?
Would she recognize me as her soul mate?

Would we really care?

Maybe all I need is not someone who completes my sentences, but someone who completes my questions.

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