april wish

Sometimes I think, do I have a choice? can't I just give up on you? nah!! The shit I am made of has too much of you in it.. punishment
for growing up with you, getting messed up same as you - no i am not being sarcastic - we aren't like two pillars standing parallel holding up elegantly a
magnificent piece of architecture that's what married people are supposed to be like - but they aren't and neither are we, but atleast unlike married people,
we have no illusions about it. we are more like two doughnut shape magnets forged into one another - chipped here and there and with pieces of ferric pebbles and rust clinging to them - as if some kid dropped them in the soil below and now is trying helplessly to get rid of the messy particles clinging to them
but somehow he can't - frustrated he throws them away, runs to his mom and cries asking for another pair.
our friends are like that kids, they have given up on us, discarded us - we are a lost cause they say, they think they have tried enough. according to them we suck all the light out of every room we enter.
a weird thought flashed across my mind today. maybe its not both of us. maybe its just you. maybe you are the screwed up one, the diseased one, the parasite. maybe if i tried hard, i could get rid of you, make it out on my own with whatever life i have left in me.
a few moments later, i flick off the cigarette bud into the toilet, pull up my shorts, flush it and say goodbye to the shit that just went thru my mind.

its difficult to imagine life without you. i call you up. you still haven't left office. like always i cant understand why. i wish we were a better team. i wish
there were loads of tickmarks on our life's combined todo list. but first i wish i had washed my ass before pulling up my pants. its april, sweaty and well now its stinky too!


----
this unpolished, incoherent, demag ki khujli dedicated to the person who only loves to think that she is a lost cause but in reality isn't: http://paroxysmsofacynic.blogspot.com